Cranky pants and the funky bums..

I’ve been in such a funk the past week. That monthly PMS that I pretend I’m not suffering from. That’s when I feel like fist pumping my husband in the face if he lying around on the sofa too long, or kick strangers in the back when they’re walking to slow in from to me.

I can’t deny it, I’m horrible. Single straight men should thank my husband for taking this monthly psycho bitch off the market.

Small irritants grow to large frustrating problems that gives me heart palpitations and tension head aches.  Once a month the world is filled with complete idiots and I’m the only sane one, it’s a lot to bear people…

What I usually do is have a great big meltdown, I cry, feel sorry for myself, possibly also accuse my husband of not finding me sexy any more, although there’s nothing more enchanting than a bloated, stomping, sighing wife…then sleep as much as I can. And just like morning sickness during pregnancy, it goes away from one day to another. Poof, gone. Back to my charming old self….

…looking forward till next time…nooooope

This is my daughter in the mornings

She has the worst morning mood. She comes in early in the mornings and wakes me up by hitting my pillow next to my face. Then points impatiently towards the living room and if I’m not standing up within 2 seconds she starts making this whiny voice and stomps with her foot.

I can’t stand this behavior and all it does is, catapults me in to a horrible morning mood of my own.

I’ve tried to talk to her but it’s just not going throughout to her. Same thing every morning and….I don’t know what to do…

 

Where I stand

Me and my girlfriends have been heavy in to discussions about religion and politics lately. I’m not very deeply involved in either, but I know where I stand. And I stand firm.

Growing up in Sweden, religion does not have a big part in your daily life in general. A professor ones said he believed about 46% of Swedes were atheists, but when asked only 17% see themselves as “non believers”.

In a recent survey 53% of the people asked said to believe there is “some sort of spirit or life force”, 23% believe there is a God and another 23% were “non believers”

In school we learn about the “big bang theory“, we learn about evolution, we have “Religion” as a mandatory subject from 4-9th grade, depending on the schools curriculum, where we learn about all the big religions and cultures in the world. I went to Bible study in 7th grade, and I found it interesting, but am I a Christian, no. Do I believe in God, I do. I believe God is in everything, I believe in Karma, I believe in the evolution, the big bang. I believe in spirits and past lives, but nr 1, I believe in being a good human being. I believe in empathy and putting my self in other peoples shoes, and not only see to my own situation, being open minded.

I believe we’re all equal, we should all be treated the same, have the same rights. Regardless where you’re from, skin tone, who you love or what religion you belong to. (Exception, pedophiles not included)

I believe you need to be responsible for your own actions, treat others the way you want to be treated. I don’t want to belong to a religion that preaches about sin. I believe in using my common sense. If I do wrong I make it right.

I believe health care is a human right and so is education, for both men and women.

I believe in love and I believe in paying it forward. I believe that religion is important, when people believe they have hope.

To me, the most frustrating thing about religion is peoples inability to respect each others beliefs.

I believe we need to get better on smiling at each other (Swedes really need to work on that..), hold doors for each other and so on, and you know what, greed is not attractive…

..and with that said, I also believe I need to go to bed. Sweet dreams everybody!

Serveball on the neck…

Got a phone call from my little sister today, it’s always good to hear from her, we’re very close. But today it turned pretty ugly for some reason. We were talking about our other teenage sisters and all of a sudden an issue from like 15 years ago get brought back up. I acted carelessly towards my sisters feelings back then, we kind of don’t see eye to eye on the situation, still nothing I’m proud of and I could have handled things differently, but I apologized back then and we moved on…I though..

So I got pretty upset when she calls me a hypocrite today. Only cuz I’m giving our 15 year old sister advice in a heart ache issue.  Uumm…I can’t agree with that. I’m not the same person I was 15 years ago. I firmly believe that people change. For ex. “once a cheater” does not always necessarily cheat. My mom used to tell me stories about her and her best friend shop lifting like crazy in their teens. I’m very sure my mom wouldn’t steal as much as loose button today. And if she tells me not to steal, I can’t call her a hypocrite. Been there, done that, don’t do it. 

Calling me a hypocrite is just like saying that you think I’m the same person as I was 15 years ago. That would be true if I was a sociopath without regret and empathy, but since I’m not…let’s us just move on…again. I mean I of course apologized again for my wrong doing a decade and a half ago, I don’t like people to carry around tucked away anger, that’s not healthy.

But I feel a bit like the time my husband served a tennis ball right on my neck…surprised, hurt and a little pissed.

Like I told my teenage sister, love is not easy in your teens, there’s a lot of immaturity and the need to be seen and liked. And who ever hurt you shouldn’t have done what they did. And that’s was me talking from experience. You see now?

But my other sister is kind of a hothead, she has a hard time admitting she was out of line and apologizing herself…and now I’ll probably get another pissed email just for saying that so…oh well. Sorry for that too.

But on to other things…tomorrow I’ll turn 34. Yay for getting older and wiser!

Happier times, me and my sister.

Are we done or what?!

So, what’s your thought on the whole Dec 12th 2012 thing, is our time up or what?

My naturally anxious personality of course wants to start worrying that the earth is going to implode or the sun will fall down on just our street.

My rational side is not too worried, more intrigued maybe. I think the Dec 21st of 2012 as “the end” is fiction from more resent times. And there’s always money to be made on peoples fears….

If anything were to go down on this specific date, I’d like to have a more “New Age” approach to it and hope for “spiritual enlightenment”. That maybe we all can find the path for standing united, working together to take care of our beautiful generous but quickly wilting planet. Make greed illegal, cuz seriously, we can’t afford it. Religious acceptance. Reboot the ignorant. Let Matt marry Steve and Ann and Heather have their baby. Seriously, wake up people. If anything were to change on this date, make it a positive change. That’s my five cents on the subject…

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Me and the chicken filé

I don’t have a very good relationship with chicken breasts…. It never comes out good when I try to cook it. Not in the pan or oven. I don’t know what it is, I just can’t get it right…

My friend gave me a simple recipe of filled chicken filé, that sounded delicious so I attempted to make it for tonight’s dinner. My family sat down at the table as I took the casserole dish out of the oven and I could see right away…oh boy, you could kill someone with these…

Chicken should never be shiny and look like it’s made of plastic when it comes out of the oven, nor should your steak knife  ricochet back at you when you try to cut it. But there are times when I have freaked out by the look of my food and then tried it and it was ok, so I stayed positive…until I saw my husbands face as he was trying to chew it…and he chewed and chewed…ok, I had failed again.

I don’t get it though, my friend made the same dish tonight, they have the same oven as we do and I even called her while I was prepping my filé’s, to double-check all the steps. Hers came out perfect and juicy, mine the opposite. Obviously it’s me. Chicken file is not my thing and I’m over it, I’m done!

Heaven collects its angels

I lost my farmor (grandmother) two nights ago. She passed away in her sleep at a hospital in Stockholm. She was 95 and her mind still clear. It was her body that failed her at the end. In the past 10 years, she’s broke her neck, got a pacemaker, got treated for breast cancer and hyper thyroid. And still she’s been in good spirit and energy. Two summers ago I visited her at the summer-house, then she was cutting grass and moving street stones in her walker, cuz she was building a terrace like the once in Provence. haha And till the end she was active in the church choir and hosting lunches for her choir friends. Always taking great pride in her appearance, and loved to dress up, she loved hats, scarves and her clip on earrings. She was pretty incredible.

But last winter she fell outside and fractured her hip and pelvis and after that it went down hill. She was in pain and couldn’t walk properly, but all this time she still lived on her own in the same apartment in Stockholm that she shared for decades with my farfar (grandfather).

Me and my sister and our cousins spent every summer in their summer-house they built when my dad and uncle were small. It’s on a small island down south in Sweden. Such great memories, that I will never forget. My farmor always in the kitchen cooking up lunch or baking. She’d make some mean cinnamon buns, with pearled sugar and chopped hazelnuts on top, and she’d always make me my own batch without the hazelnuts, since I was allergic.

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It wasn’t easy for everyone in our family to get along with her, she wasn’t the “cuddly” type of grandma, she was pretty strict and old-fashioned  but with a great sense of humor. She was the best farmor I could ever have wished for. And I always told her that I loved her, when I spoke to her on the phone, and even though she never said it back, I know she loved me too. My reasonable side knew she wouldn’t live forever, but I still kind of thought that she would somehow. But like she always said her self, she’d live to 95 and then she’d let go, and she did.  haha So now she’s up there somewhere with my farfar, busting his chops again after 17 years apart. I miss her already.

As so often, singing. You were amazing farmor!

Dear child…

aaawww...look at the love birds...eeek!

I can’t get enough of this couple, or the bride actually. I’m fascinated!  Courtney Stodden, the 16 year old (now 17)that  married the 51 year old actor Dough Hutchinson. I didn’t think people like Courtney existed. I have nothing agains age difference, but these two just creeps me out so bad! What is wrong with this child!? What is wrong with him? What is she on? I keep thinking it must be a joke, that she’s gonna wipe all that make up off and it was all just an act. She’s 17 years old, looking like a 200 year old zombie hooker. What happened girlfriend?!

sekksi...

If Hanna came home looking and acting like that we’d have some major problems. And she claims that she’s all “natural” no surgery, really?…Cuz those fake boobs you’re sporting are pretty massive. And who really cares about if they’re fake or not, but why even deny something so obvious. Your implants are your least problem. All I wanna know is how can this girls parents sleep at night? Go get your daughter!

What went wrong…

Today has really been going in the sign of empathy, and the lack there of. I don’t understand where it went so wrong that people are losing their empathy or can’t see beyond their own situation. How some people can sleep at night is to me a mystery.

There’s an immigration case in Sweden that has gotten loads of media attention the past couple of weeks. 91-year-old Ganna, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, being deported from Sweden. In 2003, after her husband died, she moved to Sweden from Ukraine to live with her daughter and grand-daughter. She is half blind, have heart problems and dementia. Sweden now denied her permanent visa application and they were, till an hour ago deporting her back to Ukraine. This old woman have no family left there, no one to pick her up at the airport, nowhere to live. Now they’re gonna try her case again, a second time…

Is that how we treat our elderly? Does she cost the Swedish government so much they can’t afford her to stay? Let her live her last years in the care of her family that loves her. It’s beyond me. Thankfully, there are loads of people out there that protested, spread the word, made phone calls and wrote letters. People came out to the airport protesting, some even offered to hire Ganna with full pay and housing, just so she could stay under a different kind of visa.

Then it’s the case in China, where a surveillance camera captures a 2-year-old little girl who had walked off by her self, getting hit by not one car but two. Her lifeless, bleeding little body laying on the street and several people walking by her, doing NOTHING! I mean what is wrong with people!!?? 10 minutes this little girl is laying on the street, no one helping her. Until one woman sees her and rushes to her rescue. The girl is now in the hospital, and I’m praying she will survive.

I’m trying to understand how people function, when they can’t feel for another human being, but I can’t, it’s just scary to me.

Yes, it’s true…

I almost can’t believe it, but after years of writing about her…I can finally present to you…”crazy lady”…or “The Kitty crazy”..as they say, a loved child have many names..she almost looks normal too, bummer I didn’t catch her in her best “Hello Kitty/Lolita” outfit.

there she is...(I just love my two-way camera phone...)

You might think, Oh that’s not very nice to call that sweet lady “crazy”. But you see, ( for anyone new to this subject )we have a long history me and this woman. She lives across the street from one of the playgrounds I take my kids too. We started our interaction when Hanna was just a baby. We’d pass each other on the street in our little town and after a few times, I’m like ok, just nodding politely but she’d look at me like she wanted to brutally murder me. Staring, to the point that I got really uncomfortable. So I’m like ok, you obviously do not “feel” me so I didn’t do it again. But then she ran up to me at the playground one day, in full on Hello Kitty gear, I’m talking earmuffs, mittens, big tutu, and red rubber boots…..yea….

She was taking loudly and telling me how cute Hanna was and I didn’t get it all cuz I got thrown off guard. Does she want to kill us or talk to us..I didn’t know…so I laughed nervously.

But then next time I tried to nod politely at her again…same thing, she looked at me like I’m the crazy one. I thought I was in the twilight zone.

Another time she followed me and Hanna in to a department store and ambushed me behind some shelves. She squeezed herself in between the shelves and the stroller and was talking loud and I again have no clue to what she was saying, all I could think was “save the child! save the child!”

This is how it’s been through the years. I sometimes catch her standing in her window, dressed in some kind of “Little house on the prairie” outfit, and she just stands there, gazing out over the playground. She’s like in her mid 40′s I’m guessing, but she dresses like she’s 5. I just don’t know what to make of her. Even my husband thinks she’s creepy.

And now even you have seen her.